The Cure for Snoring

For the past few months, in pursuit of better sleep, I have been setting aside 15 minutes a day to lick my phone. This is as undignified as it sounds. But then, nothing about snoring, or the bewildering range of real and sham treatments for it, is particularly dignified. With our slackened tongues and uncontrollable snorts, snorers are at our most annoying right when we’re at our most passive and vulnerable. Our spouses toss and turn while we drone on, until a strategically placed elbow—or our own snuffling—jolts us awake.